We Have Something in Common and We Wished We Didn't

On Thursday, November 19, I had treatment number five out of 12. So far, any side effects that I have had have been managable and I can go about life as normal as possible. I do come home from my treatments tired but I manage to take a nap but as I said before I can't get back to sleep. Like tonight, it is almost 3 in the morning and I am wide awake. I could have gone to see the midnight showing of New Moon this morning. The main reason that I am still awake is that I had a rather large cup of coffee after supper tonight.

Today was John Derrick's 5th birthday. My baby boy is growing up very relunctantly. He knows he is our baby and he wants to stay that way but I still see how much he is growing and learning and next year he goes to kindergarten and I get teary eyed just thinking about it.

I really am beginning to dislike going to the doctor especially since I have to go every week. I have been going on Thursday while John Derrick is in preschool and of course Faith is at school. So I only get one day of the week child free and I have to try to get a lot done during that time so losing that day really messes me up. But when you go every week, people start becoming familiar faces. I am quite the reserved person so I don't always start up conversations but I have met a lot of people who are there for the same thing. We are getting some type of treatment for some type of cancer. So we all have that thing in common and I know I wish I didn't have that thing in common with them. I have met a teacher from the Lebanon Special School distict (she teaches at Castle Heights Upper Elementary where Faith will be next year), I have met only person who has gotten the exact same treatment as I have, I have seen a lady up there several times while there but today she sat across from me and we were able to talk, I think she said that her cancer was in her bones and she had stem cells removed and she will go back to the hospital on December 18 to have them put back in and to receive more chemo and she will be there for 2-3 weeks. Today I also met a lady who was getting her first treatment for breast cancer that had come back in her lungs and spinal cord and she was going to be there all day till 4:15 in the afternoon. There is another lady I have seen twice but have not spoken to her but she doesn't wear a wig but wears scarfs and turban and she looks so beautiful and peaceful. Last week, I was able to chat with another lady and we didn't talk about treatments but talked about our children. Her children were older, one being in high school and the other a freshman in college but I enjoyed the talk. There are some men who are there, they usually comment on how young I am and we will exchange a few words. We are all having to do this and I garantee that we don't won't to be there and we are all making the best of it and keeping as positive as we can. I keep them in my thoughts and prayers because we all want to be healed.

A special thanks to Kolleen Mangrum who drove me to my treatment last week. She stayed with me and really helped to time passed by. Last week was different because shortly after I got to the treatment everyone left and no one else came in and we had the whole room to ourselves. Also thank you to Rachel Gray who brought us dinner last week. She lives farther out and while she would drive me, it would be a long trip so she decided to make me dinner instead and I definitely appreciated it because I didn't feel like cooking or going out to eat. Thank you to Jenny Leech who drove me today. She had her kids so she wasn't able to come up with me but I soooooo appreciate her taking the time to drive to get me and take me home. Her little boy, Cooper, is John Derrick's best friend.

Now I really need to try to get some sleep. I would hate fall asleep tomorrow when I go see the matinee of New Moon with some of my friends....

For this reason I kneel before the Father,from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:14-21)

Three Down and Only Nine More to Go.

Last Thursday, I had my third treatment of Taxol and Herceptin. I do get Herceptin every week which is not a big deal. So far these treatments are not bad and I don't have a lot of side effects. I think the worse part is the Benadryl they give me. This week I had to take a nap after I got home. I had a pretty good nap but then I could not get to sleep that night so I was awake till 1:00 a.m. I did get in some good TV watching.

A big thanks to Nicole Brashear for taking me to my treatment this week. She stayed and kept me company even though I was quite sleepy. It was nice spending time with her and having someone to talk to because these treatments seem to take sooooo long.

Another Round of Treaments

On Thursday, October 22 I started my next round of treatments. I will be receiving the chemo drug Taxol and the targeted therapy drug Herceptin every week for the next 12 weeks (although I think I get Herceptin every 3 weeks). I met with Dr. Raefsky yesterday and he seemed pleased with my progress and reassured me that these treaments would be better tolerated and so far he is right. I felt good last night and this morning I feel like I normally do. I so hope this will be the way I feel after each treatment because I can handle this.

Kevin was able to go with me to yesterday's treatment. That treatment lasted FOREVER! They had to put the drugs in slowly to make sure that I didn't have any reactions to them. But, the rest the treatments will go quicker. They had to give me a bag of Benedryl before the Taxol and the Benedryl made me a little sleepy. I tried to go to sleep but I could never get to sleep, and I was too tired to concentrate to read the book I brought. I listened to my music and tried to play a few of the games on my Ipod touch. I thought I would never get done but I was only there for about 4 1/2 hours.

Now, for a little bit of inspiration. I will freely admit that I was not looking forward to starting anymore treatments. I am ready to be done. I am tired of going to the doctor and I hate that I have to waste one day a week for the next 12 weeks for treatments. I have been in a bad mood all week long. Wednesday morning was the worse day of all. I had to go to the grocery store and John Derrick was going to have to go with me and I don't like taking him grocery shopping. That morning, I get a call from the Beth, Dr Raefsky's nurse, telling me that when the did the MUGA scan last week they forgot to do a EKG and I needed that done before I could start the treatments and could I come in and do that sometime that day. So I had to drive all the way to Hermitage (about a 25 minute drive from my house), wait and then get the EKG done, and drive back to Lebanon and do my grocery shopping all while John Derrick was with me. John Derrick was angel all day long. He was so good while waiting at the doctor's office and while we were shopping. He didn't complain and didn't aske for a million things. God knew I needed that.

I am always amazed how God works in my life and how He knows when I need to be cheered up. By the time I got home that afternoon, I was exhausted and still not in a good mood. It was Wednesday and we go to church on Wednesday night. I was debating if I wanted to go or not because I was so tired. I went to church and was so thankful I did because I was lifted up by all the wonderful things that went on that night. First, Nick McNabb, our youth minister, delivered our devotional thought that night and he said the things I really needed to hear about looking for the positive in life. The last song we that night was "Sing and Be Happy" which is one of my favorite songs. On my way to class, someone stopped me and gave me a present just to let me know that she has been thinking of me. It was a beautiful bracelet that I know she made. I go to the ladies class on Wednesday night and we are discussing women in the life of Christ. We discussed Salome, the mother of James and John. I left feeling encouraged on how to be a better mother. When I got home that night, I felt so much better and more positive and it all because God knew I needed to hear all that I heard that night. God is good.

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. (James 5:13)

Race for the Cure

This past Saturday, we the did the Race for the Cure in Cookeville, TN. It was a really neat experience, and something that we will try to do every year. This was the first time that they held a Race for the Cure in Cookeville. They had a fairly good attendance of about 1500 people.

Kevin, Faith, and I all walked the 5K (3 miles) along with my dad and my niece, Emilynne. John Derrick and my mom sat in the warm car will we were walking. It was very early and VERY cold. My dad kept a steady pace and got quite a bit ahead of us. I was very proud of Faith and Emilynne. I was afraid that they would complain the whole time about the long walk. Faith is only 9 years old and Emilynne is 12 years old. They walked and talked and had a really good time. They didn't like that it was cold but they never complained about walking and that made me so happy. Unfortunately, I did not get a good night sleep the night before and I woke up very tired and I didn't feel too good. I walked the whole way but by the time we got done walking, I was extremely exhausted and my legs were hurting. I felt like such a whimp because 3 miles is not that far and I was wishing that I had stopped at the 1 mile mark. But I did not give up and made it the whole way.

Next year, I will feel better and hopefully I can get a team together. I would call them the Pink Ladies. If we have tshirts made, I would put my verse on the shirts, Romans 15:13.

Still Waiting...

I finally made it to the doctor this morning for the follow up visit after my last treatment. Everything seemed ok to them. I still have some additional treatments to undergo but as of now, I am not sure what it will be. I had signed up for a clinical trial and I need to be randomized into one of several different treatment plans. Beth (Dr. Raefsky's research nurse) is going to get that done this week and will call and let me know which plan was chosen for me. Meanwhile, I will be getting a MUGA scan done of my heart and EKG on Wednesday.

Did I Mention the Worse is Over?

I did make it through this past weekend. It was rough. When I blogged on Friday, I was feeling really good. I was hoping for a good weekend but that was not the case. Sometime in the middle of the night, the chemo made me sick. I was sick enough to wake up Kevin (who graciously let me have the whole bed to myself) to come and get my back up nausea medicine. It really didn't help because I was still nauseated most of the night. The nausea finally subsided enough for me to get back to sleep. I slept the whole day on Saturday. I wasn't just laying in bed dozing, I was asleep. I finally got up around 4:00 in the afternoon and stayed awake for about one hour. I fell back asleep and didn't get up again till about 12:30 on Sunday. I stayed awake most of the afternoon on Sunday but still went back to sleep really early.

On Monday, I had a 3 month check up with my breast surgeon, Dr. Lawson. She did a thorough check and found everything satisfactory. I go back to her again in 3 months. I did find out that I will not have to have a mammogram again since there is (her words) "no mammo to gram"

I did start feeling a little better on Tuesday. I did not want to do anything so I didn't. Kevin had to make a trip up to Louisville, KY so it was just me and John Derrick at home. He was really good, we just sat and watched cartoons all day and I ignored the complete wreck that my house was in. That has been one of the most annoying things, seeing how messy a house can get when no one is doing anything. By the end of the day, I was exhausted so when my dad brought Faith home from school, I let him take both kids away so I could try to take a nap. Of course, I couldn't get to sleep but I did have about 3 hours of complete peace and quiet which I needed.

So it is Wednesday now. I spent my whole morning cleaning house. It was pretty nasty. The bathrooms were gross, there toys EVERYWHERE, and the dog decided he needed to shred everyone of his chew toys. I had a lot to do this morning and I did make myself tired but it is worth it now because the house looks SO much better.

It is finally fall. It rained for two weeks straight. I was beginning to wonder if I needed to start building an ark. All the rain was worth it because now the weather is crisp and cool. The windows are open at home and the everything smells so fresh. I love fall.

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24).

The Worse Part is Finally Over!

I had my final round of chemo yesterday. Yipee! I pray that I will never have to have these drugs pumped through my system again. They are not fun. Although this treatment does not seem to be bothering me as much as they did last time. I am pretty much wiped out but I haven't slept all day like I did last time. All that I have done today is go to the get the neulasta shot at the doctors office this morning. Kevin, John Derrick and I were able to stop at Chick Fil'a and get breakfast after my shot. I got home and put on some extremely comfortable clothes and sat in the recliner for the rest of the day. I played on my laptop, read a book, and napped a little. John Derrick sat in my lap alot and watched his favorite cartoons on Boomerang.

The kids will be spending the weekend with Grandmommy and Granddaddy again. This will give me a much needed day to rest without having to worry about the kids. As much as they love their daddy, whenever they want anything, they always come to me first and I always feel the need to help them. They love going to Grandmmommy and Granddaddy's house. John Derrick has been asking ALL day when he was going to leave.

A special thanks again to Margaret McPeak for driving me to my treatment yesterday. Also to Autumn Roeder for fixing a delicious dinner last night for us. Such a simple dinner but it tasted sooo good and we ate it all up. Tomorrow night, a new friend Scarlett Meadows will be bringing Kevin and I something to eat (more about her below). Lori Knox will be bringing us supper on Monday night. I am getting so spoiled with all the dinners that all my friends bring during this time.

About Scarlett, I met her at the Breast Cancer Friends meeting this past Monday night. Breast Cancer Friends is a a breast cancer support group that was started by a few ladies at the Maple Hill congregation where Kevin and I worship. This is the first meeting that I have been able to attend and the first meeting for Scarlett also. She is also a young mother with two children, ages 3 and 17 months. Her breast cancer what caught early and she had a mastectomy just three weeks ago. What made this tougher for her was that she had just moved from Kentucky just recently. We exchanged emails and have emailing each other over the past few days and she offered to bring supper over this weekend. So lets keep her in our prayers as she is also going through this difficult time.

I also want to mention my beautiful daughter Faith. She has been extremely sweet over the past few days. She has done everything that we have asked her to do without one word of complaint. She helped Kevin set the table for supper last night and cleared the dishes. She even wiped the table off with an extremly wet rag without being told. She did her homework and took a shower without complaining too much. While I was laying on the couch after supper, she offered to get me a pillow and cover me up with a blanket. She is so special and wonderful, and I love her so much.

I go back to the doctor to see Sarah, the nurse practioner in 2 weeks and will work out the details of the rest of my treatments. There a still things that I am confused about but we will work those out later. BUT the worse part is over!!!! Yipee!

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his;we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalms 100)