Finally the Fog is Lifting

It is amazing what a little prayer can accomplish. Yesterday was a hard day. I had been fighting fatigue for five days. I was getting a little discouraged because I did not want to spend the next two months trying to keep my eyes open. I do have a family and life. But I know many specific prayers were lifted up yesterday on my behalf and God answered. I have woke up this morning feeling MUCH better!

Last night my parents came over with dinner from Cracker Barrel. I had chicken and dumplings and they were soooooo good. I did not eat any real vegetables except hashbrown casserole and macaroni and cheese but the chicken was wonderful. By the time they came over, I was starting to feel better. They ate with me and the kids and then cleaned up and helped get John Derrick ready for bed. They left around 7:00 and I had a movie going in the DVD player. I fell asleep watching the movie with John Derrick. I woke up when the movie went off and then he watched a couple more cartoons while I dozed some more and then I sent him to bed. When he finally went to sleep (thank goodness Faith just goes to her room and goes to sleep), I climbed in my bed and watched some more TV. It took me a little while to go to sleep and I woke up quit a bit all at night but when I woke up this morning to the sounds of hungry children playing in the background, I felt rested.

I probably won't try to do too much today. I think I will try to enjoy this peaceful feeling. Kevin will be home this afternoon and I know he will be glad to have a wife who is looking and feeling better. Someone is bringing supper over tonight and I look forward to that. Hopefully, I will feel good enough to go to church tonight.

So this has been a learning experience for me. I know now not to plan to do anything for at least 5-6 days after chemo. Chicken is really good. I should plan for someone to maybe come and get a child or two for a couple of hours during the day. Thank goodness school does start soon. Kevin should also plan on not leaving Monday night for work. I can do this and will do this and it will be over soon!

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25:4-5)

Fatigue

It is the Tuesday after my first chemo treatment. I have never been so tired. My feel like I am in some sort of fog and just cannot seem to get out of it. I have not been sick which is a blessing but I can't seem to get going. All I want to to is just stare mindlessly at the TV and not think. The problem is that all that seems to be on right now is Spongebob Squarepants. I'm afraid if I don't start watching something with a little intelligence, I might lose all my brain cells.

So that is my complaining for now. I am just so tired. I hope this passes soon. I don't care so much about my house being clean, I worry about the kids. I am thankful Faith is old enough to understand that I don't feel good but she is going to start school soon and I want for her year to start out right. John Derrick has been good but he is only 4 and can't do all for himself. I do feel guilty about him sitting and watching TV all day but that is all I feel up to. I do think that tomorrow, I will take advantage of friends and send him out to play with his friend.

I know this will pass. Kevin is had to go to Kentucky for work and he will be back tomorrow. I will feel better soon. I only have 3 more treatments to go.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:14)

Two Days Later

It is the Saturday after my first chemo treatment. I am exhausted. I have not been sick yet. I woke up this morning a little nauseated but Kevin got up and fixed me some toast and gave me my nausea medicine. After I ate a little and took my medicine I felt better but now I am just tired. Mom and Dad took the kids to their lake house last night and will have them all day so I can have time to just rest. I am hoping by tomorrow that I get some energy back so I can be good to go by Monday.

All seems to be going well except the lack of energy. I have been able to eat but it hard to find something that I want to eat. I think I need to get Kevin to go get me some chicken noodle soup and potatoes to eat. Yesterday, I had to go back to the doctor for a shot that will help build my white blood count. The main side effects will be that I might feel achy. I have felt fine so far but if I do feel achy, I can take some Tylenol.

So I am going to try to do nothing today. I will probably get out of bed and take a shower and then move myself to the couch and watch TV all day. Hopefully by the time the kids get home this evening I will be rested or else lucky Kevin will be the one who will have to get the kids showered and to bed while I sleep.

First Chemo is Done!

Today was my first chemo treatment. I have been very calm all week about this. I was a little scared of what it would be like but I was not in a panic. I actually had a fairly good night sleep on Wednesday night and woke up in plenty of time to get ready and have a little breakfast.

Kevin took me this morning. Faith spent the night at a friend's house and we had to drop John Derrick off at his friend's house. We got to the doctor's office five minutes late but we had to wait of course. I had to be weighed and have my blood pressure checked and a finger prick. I then met with Dr. Raefsky and he did a quick check and explained what was going to happen today. He told me that the bone scan and CT scan came back clean. They did see a tiny spot on my liver but he told me that it is probably a cyst and that they were quit common. He was not too worried about the spot and I would have another CT scan in about 6 months. After he left, a nurse came in to explain the medicines and the side effects.

I went to the treatment room after that. The treatment room is a large room filled with "recliners" I picked a recliner and waited. I had decided to have the genetic testing done to see if I carry the gene for breast cancer. The nurse took my blood for that first. Then I was hooked up to the IV. All of this was done using the port that was put in a couple of weeks ago. They first put in some anti-nausea medicine in first and then the chemo drugs. The first chemo drug the nurse nicknamed "the red devil" because it is red and pretty powerful. It could not be put in through the pump. She had to manually put it in me using a large syring. The second chemo drug was put in using the pump.

I was given plenty of medication for the nausea so hopefully I won't be too sick. I will experience fatigue and my hair will come out. The hair loss probably won't start happening for a few weeks. My white blood count will go down at times and I will have to be careful not to be around sick people. Tomorrow I have to go back and get a shot that will help my bone marrow to build itself back up. I also go back August 3rd to check my white blood count.

As I said, it was easier then I thought today. I met another lady who was getting her last chemo treatment. As we were talking, I found out that she teaches at Castle Heights Upper Elementary which is the 5th & 6th grades of the Lebanon Special School District (LSSD). Faith goes to Coles Ferry Elementary which is also part of LSSD. She had a real good attitude and looked great. We talked that last part of my treatment which made the time go by really quick. I was out of there by 1:00 and Kevin and I went out for lunch and then did a little shopping. We picked of John Derrick and came home and now I am sitting here typing this.

I am started to get a little tired right now. It is 5:30 and I think I will get up and put on my PJ's and sit here on the couch. Since Kevin and I had a late lunch, we are not too hungry. He left to go pick up a pizza for the kids to eat. Faith is back from her friend's house and she is tired a little sunburnt because she got to go swimming today. John Derrick is tired from playing so hopefully they will both go to bed without a fight.

Think you for all your prayers. I had such a peace about today because I knew prayers were being answered. But, I have one chemo treatment done and just 3 more to go!!

Look Good...Feel Better

This morning I went to a program put on by the American Cancer Society called Look Good...Feel Better. This is for women going through chemo helping them to feel better but looking good. Each lady was presented with a bag full of make up for their use. All different companies donated make up and skin care products for this program. It was good make up also such as Clinque, Avon, Physicians Formula, Merle Norman and others. Here is a picture of what was in my bag
It was a really neat program and I am glad that I went. I went to the new Vanderbilt Medical Plaza at the old 100 Oaks Mall location in Nashville. This was the first time that they had done the program at this location and they were very excited to do this for us ladies. They had water and tea and cookies and they brought in lunch for us which was an unexpected surprise.

I think the sweetest thing that happened today was when a mom and her 10 year old twin daughters came in to the program. The mom had already started her chemo and had already lost all her hair. The girls were so happy to be there with their mom and you could tell that they loved her very much. As they were going through her make up, one of the girls said, "Mom you don't need any make up. You are already beautiful." That was so special and it brought tears to my eyes. I wish the best for this family.

I still can't say enough of how wonderful it is to have friends and to go to a church with a breast cancer support group. One of the ladies there today commented how wonderful it was to have other women to talk to because she had no one to talk to except the pychologist at her doctor's office. While my friends don't know what it is to experience cancer and I hope they never do, they are the main reason why I am coping through this period of my life. They have prayed for me and helped me in so many ways. Thank you.

A Hat Shower

God has blessed me with wonderful friends. I don't deserve such good friends but I have them and I am so thankful for these friends. None of these friends have been through breast cancer but they listen to me as I ramble on about things they haven't gone through. Sometimes I feel like I am always talking about me and what I am going through but it helps me so much to talk. My friends have given me the courage to face this. I will never know how anyone can go through cancer without having God and church family to lean on.

Danielle Gray threw me a hat shower tonight. My friends and my family gave me all sorts of turbans and scarfs and bands and bow for me to wear while I am going through chemo. Everything is so beautiful and while I don't want to lose my hair, my head is going to look good.

I don't want to wear a wig. I may change my mind but I just don't want a wig. I am a stay at home mom. I don't have a job outside my home where I need to make myself look professional so I don't feel the need to wear a wig. Plus I don't want to look like I am wearing a wig. There are so many different types of wigs and I can't afford nor do I want to spend the money to buy an expensive wig and my insurance won't pay for a wig.

Thank you everyone for my turbans and scarfs and such. They are beautiful.

An Adventure in Scanning

I learned something today. Vanilla flavored Barium Sulfate contrast drink does NOT taste good even if there is a picture of a vanilla milkshake on the the label. Today, I had a CT scan and a bone scan. For the CT scan, they gave me two rather large bottles of a contrast drink and told me to start drinking one bottle two hours before the scan and the other an hour before. I dutifully started drinking the first at 6:30 this morning. After the first sip, I knew it was not going to go down easily. At 7:30 I had not gotten a fourth of it down. I went to the imagining place and they gave me some ice to pour the drink over and that didn't help much. I even had water to chase it down with and that only helped some. I managed to get 3/4 of the FIRST bottle down when they had pity on me and told me I had enough and they could go ahead with the CT scan.

I learned something else today also. (By the way, if you don't like hearing about needles and veins, you might want to skip this paragraph) My veins did not want to cooperate with the techs. I needed an IV to inject the solution for the Bone Scan and the CT scan. The Bone Scan tech got the first shot at my veins. He had to poke me twice to get the IV in. When he got the IV in, he left it there for the CT tech. Something happened between the injection of the Bone scan stuff and the injection of the CT scan stuff because when she started the solution for the CT scan, it started burning and she had to stop and redo the IV. She could not find a vein that wanted to do right. She poked me at least 4 times and then she had to call someone else in to help her. That lady had to try twice and the vein she got to work was in my hand and it really hurt when she was putting the needle in but she got it to work and we were able to finish the scan. Fortunately, that was all the poking they needed to do for the day. They did the best they could but my arm is fairly sore from them finding the veins.

The scans were painless and quick. The doctor ordered them as a precaution and I hope nothing shows up that needs to be addressed.


But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)